A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
