the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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