Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
