Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
