So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
