Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude. I can hear the air.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
