Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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