could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
