Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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