Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
