now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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