My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
