Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
