As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
