So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
