the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
