Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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