hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
