Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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