Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry my hands just texted you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
