I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
