Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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