Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
