Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
