There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
