i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
