operation harelip BJ is a go
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
