i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
