The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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