you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
These tits shall not be calmed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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