you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
