The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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