you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
