he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
