did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
