i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
