Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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