I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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