so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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