We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
