I can't breathe out the right side of my face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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