Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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