I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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