your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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