Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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