i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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