When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
