im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
