Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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