In the future we'll all be gay
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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