at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wear drunk well.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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