Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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