we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
