good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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