we're chasing vodka with high fives
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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