ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
