why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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