I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
