I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
